Silly Saturday: Raising Boys

RAISING BOYS

a) For those with no children - this is hilarious.

b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous mother in London, Ontario...

Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot

house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller

blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong

enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman

cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint

on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When

using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times

before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by

a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too

late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a

36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old

boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't

walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject peanut butter & jelly sandwiches even though TV

commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not

like ovens.

20.) The fire department in London has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid.

25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or

without kids.